Adventures in Fat Girl Fitness

Working my Way to a Healthier Me One Burpee at a Time

100 Day Challenge — April 27, 2018

100 Day Challenge

I like to break things up into small bite-sized pieces. I’m not great at looking down the road to “forever” and seeing a path of contentment, but break something into small pieces and I can chip away at it.  Hell, even when we got married, Mr. Fat Girl Fitness and I only agreed to 50 years with a negotiation period at the end to reassess whether we wanted to keep going with this marriage thing. Bite-sized pieces.

Unfortunately, bite-sized pieces are also what gets me into trouble. In this sense I mean literal bite-sized pieces. Of the cookie and chocolate and chips and pretzels variety.  You name it, I’ll eat it.

I’ve never had a very healthy relationship to food before. I used it as comfort. As entertainment. As reward. As a consequence, I’ve never had a very healthy relationship with my body before. I’ve always hated who I am and how I look. I ate because it didn’t matter – I was always going to be fat anyway, why not enjoy it. I dieted and restricted. It worked… for a bit. But I’d always bounce back, bigger and unhappier than ever.

As I start a journey to become healthier by getting stronger I’m starting to want to eat better. To fuel my body rather than please it. To fill, but not stuff. To know that I’m doing what I can to change both my body and my mind.

This isn’t about wanting to be skinny. I’ll never be skinny. I’ll likely never be thin. I’ll probably always be chubby. I always have and there’s only so much I can do in the face of genetics. But I can be a healthier chubby. A fitter chubby. A stronger chubby.

I have heard that it’s really 80% food and 20% exercise. That you can’t outrun your fork. So here’s where the next phase of the journey starts. I’ll commit to 100 days. 100 days of eating clean-ish. Of making sure that 80% of what I put in my body is in there for fuel and not pleasure or comfort. That those calories are going into me to help me achieve my goals, not to fill a gap that, frankly, isn’t food’s job to fill. I don’t promise to be perfect, but I promise to try.

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I commit to:

  • Meal planning;
  • Bringing my lunch to work;
  • Not drinking my calories;
  • Eating my fruits and veggies with every meal;
  • Snacking sensibly;
  • Eating until my stomach is happy, not full and distended; and
  • To enjoying the experience of cooking again.

I love to cook and am, if I do say so myself, an excellent cook. For too long I’ve left that to either my husband to manage or Skip the Dishes to cater to. Now it’s time to get back in the kitchen and put what I logically know into real action.

So why only 80%? Because I’m a realist. I know that I’ll slip. I know that I love bacon. I know that there’s nothing better than a huge cup of hot coffee brimming with creamy sweetness. And because I’ve never been perfect and this isn’t the time to start.

Bite-sized pieces.

Just as soon as I finish this slice of meat and cheese pizza for lunch. 😉

Ebb and Flow — April 24, 2018

Ebb and Flow

Today was my redemption day. After last week when I almost cried, wanted to throw up, and was just an all around baby today was the day to get back in the box and get my head in the game.

Luckily my WOD today was infinitely easier than last week’s, which certainly helped with the feeling of strength I had today.

While I still had to do my time on the fucking assault airbike, I only had to do it in 6 calorie sprints, rather than a 12 calorie death cycle. And upper body work is always my favourite. Its where I’m strongest.

So all in all today was a good day. An easier day. A day that I felt strong and capable. I like these days. I mean, I know they won’t always be like this , but its sure nice to get the break every once in a while.

It’s all in your head — April 20, 2018

It’s all in your head

The mental side of fitness is something I never really thought about or encountered before. Before this journey when a class or exercise would get too hard I’d just quit. It was a simple solution to an unpleasant situation, but it meant that I’ve never had to push past the “oh, fuck, I might die or throw up (or both)” feeling.

Cue tonight. I’ve been battling a cold and it’s been over a week since I’ve been to the box to workout with Mel, my amazing trainer. I’ll be honest, I want really feeling like a workout tonight and thought that maybe I’d half-ass it. Yeah, Mel was having none of that.

So for the first time in almost ever I had to figure out how to push through when every ounce of my being was screaming at me to quit. To give in. To lie down and run out the clock.

I asked Mel if anyone ever quits on her. She thought about it and then answered no and immediately reminded me that I was supposed to be doing some push ups. I can see why no one quits. You simply don’t have the opportunity. The reps come fast, the clock is ticking, and if you stop to think you’d cry. So you don’t stop.

My workout tonight was nothing hard. For a seasoned veteran it would seem like a warm up. But tonight it kicked my ass all over the mat.

But for the first time I didn’t quit. I kept going and dug deep. I listened to Mel telling me that I could do it if I just kept breathing. If I just gave her 30 minutes of my life. If I just got my head to stop pestering my body and let my muscles work.

I almost threw up. I wanted to cry. I did curse. But I beat my brain. I won. And for that I’m proud.

Fuck Push-Ups — April 10, 2018

Fuck Push-Ups

Just…Fuck’em. They suck. I’m bad at them, I swear, and sweat, and want to give up. But yesterday I did 100 of them.

Not all at once, but still… 100! That’s more push-ups than I’ve done cumulatively in my life before yesterday.

But still. Fuck them.

Yesterday’s WOD

E3MOM – 10 Rounds

  • 15 Kettlebell swings (26#)
  • 10 Push-ups
  • 5 Ring Rows
Back at it — April 6, 2018

Back at it

Today was my first day back at crossfit since I ruptured my Achilles on March 1. I’m not gonna lie, I was a little apprehensive about walking back into something that was so new to me when I got injured. But I’m lucky that my trainer has been wonderful throughout this process, keeping in touch with me and helping to keep me motivated.

So tonight I squeezed my way into my compression leggings, laced up my one shoe, and headed into the box to give it my all.

After testing to see what I could do given I’m still in an Aircast we got to work.

The warm-up was mostly on the SkiErg and, as I can’t row for a while yet, the rest of my WOD was also heavy on the SkiErg. I was warned that this would be my new best friend and worst enemy.

Anyway, my WOD was a TC progression and while I know that to veteran crossfitters it won’t seem like much, it definitely challenged me.

But, more importantly I didn’t give up, even when I thought I might might puke and I finished in 26:30, under the 30 min TC. I am proud of myself.

So that’s the first day back. I won’t be able to life my arms tomorrow and I could barely get the strength to push the start button on my car, but I did it. And I’ll be doing it all again. On Monday. Yay!

This is beginning to suck — March 15, 2018

This is beginning to suck

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It’s been two weeks since I hurt myself at Crossfit class.  Two weeks, two casts, one surgery, countless hours in bed, too much Netflix and comfort food, and 6 days to go.

I started out this journey all peppy and “I’m gonna change my life!” and while I will get back there, right now my mood has taken a definite turn for the “fuck everything and everyone!”

Honesty is good, right?

Anyway, I’m stuck mostly in my bedroom since it’s the only way I don’t have to do stairs when I need to pee. I’m letting my frustrations keep me lazy. I’m relying too heavily on take-out food rather than whole processed foods (there are only so many good choices you can make with take out food and none of them include poutine).

Work is piling up but I can’t help without being there. My boss is… pissed… distracted… I don’t know, but not happy. My mood is a combination of annoyed at everything, lonely, and just randomly angry at things.

So, peeps who have gone through this before, what’s your secret weapon for staying sane through an injury? Help me Obi Wans.

Post surgery — March 11, 2018

Post surgery

So turns out my Achilles tendon did require surgery to repair. Had that done on the 7th and am now in the 2 week, non-weight bearing portion of this adventure.

Luckily for me I’ve done this before. I’ve been through this recovery period and know that I’ll make it through. And this time I have a husband to help and a gym to get back to.

But I am worried about losing all strength in these next two weeks, so I’ve been reading some tips, am going to pull out my resistance bands, and hope that I don’t completely atrophy before I can walk again.

Golly two weeks feels like a long time at the start.

You know what Monty Python always said… — March 5, 2018

You know what Monty Python always said…

… Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

In other news, I feel that being down to one leg should help me get really, really good at pistol squats (at least on my right leg) while I heal.  Squatting down to sit on just one leg has become de rigure, and that’s gotta be positive, right?

In other news, I see the surgeon tomorrow. I hope to know then what the treatment plan is. I’m hoping it’s something that gets me back to the gym soon. Going to the gym is a new thing for me, but I’m already missing it (and bored of sitting on my ass all day). Come on, aircast!

Crossfit day two — March 2, 2018

Crossfit day two

Well, I’ve ruptured my Achilles tendon. Well, hell. Made it through 15 sit ups and 75 single unders before I heard the pop and thought someone had hit me with a barbell.

So yeah… This is gonna put a damper on my journey. But it’s not going to kill it. I’ll get back there and work even harder to get my ass (and ankle) in shape.

Wish me luck!

Why — March 1, 2018

Why

So why did I decide to start on a journey of fitness and health? Here’s a short list for me to remember when the days get hard and the chocolate looks so good.

  1. My daughter: I want my kid to grow up knowing that she can be strong and that her body can move mountains (or at least climb them) if she fuels and feeds it the right way.
  2. Honesty: I want to be truthful in what I say to my child when she points out my tummy or bum. I want to mean it when I say, “yup, mummy is proud of her tummy. It carried you!” rather than feeling a deep shame at how I look.
  3. Mental Health: I struggle with mental health. Depression and anxiety are dear, if caged, friends of mine. One of my biggest current challenges is simply liking who I am. I know part of that will never be fixed until I take some action to make some changes.  The rest of my life and mental health is in a good place now. I’d like my body to follow.
  4. Alignment: I want my outsides to match my insides.  In my head I’m a warrior. I’m strong and capable and can leap tall buildings in a single bound. I want that to be all true in the real sense, not just in my head (although inside is a good first start).
  5. Mountains: I want to climb them. Or at least hike them. I want to bike ride and canoe and hike and camp and run and play and do all the things I’m just too tired to do now. I want to experience all those fun things once more before it truly is too late.

In short, I want to be a better, more capable version of myself. I want to be as strong as I feel. And I want to raise an equally strong and fierce kid who never doubts in her ability to kick ass and take names.