Adventures in Fat Girl Fitness

Working my Way to a Healthier Me One Burpee at a Time

ARGHH — June 25, 2018

ARGHH

frustratedI’m annoyed with my body today. It’s not doing what I want it to do. I eat right, count my macros, hit the gym, and… the scale isn’t moving. It’s been weeks. It’s getting… well… frustrating.

I mean, I know I’m not doing this just for weight loss, but damn it, if my body is going to stay here with or without big piles of pasta, I’ll take the fucking pasta!

It’s frustrating and defeating. Especially since I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to the gym this week at all (husband is out of town and someone has to be with the kid). So now I’m frustrated and don’t even have an avenue to burn off the frustration. Top that off with solo-parenting a threenager for a week and… *see gif*.

Sorry, this is whiny, but I’m bummed today.

Grrr. Arghh.

Four questions, four answers — June 19, 2018

Four questions, four answers

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This morning I received a text from my awesome trainer and coach, Mel.  She occasionally sends questions to her clients and today was my turn.  Instead of responding to her in a text, I’m responding here, for the entire world, because apparently I’m a bit of an attention whore. Who knew? (everyone who knows me can be quiet right now, thankyouverymuch!)

Question 1: What makes me feel strong? Powerful?

Lifting heavy shit. This was true even before CrossFit, but is doubly true now. I’ve always prided myself on being strong like bull, able to lift and carry a couch up the stairs, if need be, but since starting CrossFit there’s nothing better than the feeling of a barbell in my hands.

On the days when I’m not in the gym or the WOD isn’t strength-based, I miss the feeling of lifting a barbell. Of holding it’s rough grip in my hands, covered with chalk, and sweaty from exertion.

On days like today, when the WOD is mostly barbell work, I am giddy with anticipation of getting into the gym and feeling that strength and power (even if I’m lifting the lightest bar in the bunch).

I’m slowly developing callouses from my classes and I occasionally find myself rubbing them, like tiny badges of honour to my power. I keep testing to see if they’re bigger, more pronounced, further evidence that I’m a badass.

Truly, every woman should try lifting weights. There’s nothing that makes you feel more like Wonder Woman than picking up something heavy, putting it over your head, and doing it again and again. Seriously, try it sometime!

Question 2: What’s the best advice I have ever been given?

Be present in whatever day you’ve been given. 

This was given to me as work advice when I moved to a new, frenetic, unpredictable job, but it’s served me well as life advice too.  I tend to be a planner and a forward looker. Those can be great things when it comes to retirement planning and kitchen renos, but it can make it hard to sit, quietly and comfortably in the present. It can also make it hard when the present doesn’t end up looking like the plan. So I am slowly learning to simply accept the day I’m given, however it may look, and then find the best in that day, knowing that the plans and perfection can be dealt with tomorrow (or the day after that).

 

Question 3: Name one thing you want to change in your life?

How I see myself. I have always struggled with liking who I am and who I see in the mirror.  So much so that I genuinely have a different picture of “me” in my head than what mirrors and pictures tell me I am. I’ve dissociated from the truth. I want to change my mental image so that it reflects who I truly am, right now at this very moment; not when some magical perfect weight, or hairstyle, or fashion is reached, but now. I have a long way to go on this one.

Question 4: Name 3 things you are grateful for.

First, among all things is my daughter. She makes me laugh every day. She challenges me. And she makes me want to be a better version of myself. She’s the reason I am working so hard to change my life.

Second, my mobility.  It was only 8 years ago when I was in a serious car accident that left me wondering if I’d lose my foot or have lifelong severe mobility impairments.  I’m lucky. I had good doctors and therapists and have reclaimed about 90% of my pre-accident life, but those months where I was in a wheelchair, or on crutches, or using a cane made me feel for all the people who struggle every day to just accomplish basic tasks. And I’m grateful I was so lucky.

Finally, my sense of humour.  There’s not much in this world that I can’t find joy in (current politics notwithstanding). My humour is what keeps me grounded. It’s what brought me to my husband. It’s what shapes who comes into my life and stays here. It’s entirely who I am. And I love it.

The Grind — June 15, 2018

The Grind

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I haven’t posted about my WODs as much here lately, but they’ve been going well. I’ve been going to the big kid classes and if not holding my own against the rest of the class, at least holding my own against my former self (which is really all that matters).

Last night was a particularly grueling workout.  I call it The Grind. Because that’s what you had to do to get through. Just don’t stop. For 35 minutes, keep moving. If you stopped you’d never get started again.

When I first read the WOD in the morning, I thought, oh, that looks doable. Then I did what I always do, I added up the time it would take me to finish everything. I calculated 45 minutes. This had a 35 min time cap.

Crap.

Well, I suppose I didn’t need to worry about how I was going to substitute the double unders, since it was unlikely I’d ever make it there.

It was a WOD heavy on rowing and cardio (bike, skierg, burpees, etc.). I modified the burpee box jumps to dumbbell clean and jerks because burpees aggravate my ankle, but otherwise I did it as prescribed.  It was hard.

So hard. We all looked like we were going to die by the end.

But it was also fun. There was no measure yesterday, just you against the clock to see how much you could get done in those 35 minutes.

And friends, let me tell you that 35 minutes flew by. I barely even noticed the time. How could I? I was just trying to stay upright and complete my section.

It’s a funny change to suddenly think a hard workout can be simultaneously a fun one. I’ve never had that feeling much before. Never felt the feeling of accomplishment or camaraderie that comes with grinding through a workout alongside someone else. Never thought I’d be the person you see on the side of the road drenched in sweat and carrying kettlebells. Never thought I’d be excited to see what the next day has in store for me.

It’s been a slow transformation but it finally feels like it might stick. I’ve not skipped a planned workout. I’ve pushed myself in the classes. I’ve bought into the lifestyle that is clean eating and exercise.

And it feels amazing.

Here’s to the grind. May you always be as fun and kick my ass and keep me coming back for more.

It’s all about those macros —